Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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