You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
