ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
