that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
