No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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