I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
