no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.