yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
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today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
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I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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