So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
