I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
