True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
