Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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