Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
