I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
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there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
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So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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