Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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