She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
