batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
