I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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