my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
