So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
