Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
But break dance skills will only take you so far
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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