just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
