Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
