The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
