i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
