Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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