he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
How's work?
Spinning.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
