I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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