Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
