it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
