brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
