hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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