I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
