We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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