i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
