Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
