paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
