He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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