Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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