Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
