i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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