Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
