I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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