he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
