Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
