i just wanna soil my oats bro
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So much Jack, so little girl.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
