I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
