I wish I only lived at night.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
