mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
