I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
