Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize