Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
