I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
