Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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