the condom got lost in my hair
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
