I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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