How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
