Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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