I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
