there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
