my phone needs a breathalizer
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
