you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
