P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
