So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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