I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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