im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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