i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize