I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
