if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
even my farts smell like vagina
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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