Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
