I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
