Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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