sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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