Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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