I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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