There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
