you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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