The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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