It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
