1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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