I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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