I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
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He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
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If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize