You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
