I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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