Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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