I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
