Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
