i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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