yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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