Dual....:-)
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
