You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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