Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
two words...techno handjob
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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