The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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