literally had 100 drinks last night.
I can text with my tongue
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
